Emmett's 79 Things to do in an Elevator
by 123Meaghan
Summary: Emmett finds a list of things to do in an elevator written by magical unicorns. What will happen if he does all of them, Will he become a magical unicorn too? R
1. Emmett Finds A List

**All Twilight Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. This story was started by EmiiBaiBaii, But I got her ok to finish this story, Because she most likey wasn't going to. If you would like to read the list and chapter 2, Please visit her account. I am changing then some but this story idea is NOT MINE!!!**

One day when I was walking down the street he found a piece of paper (Little did he know it belonged to magical unicorns)

**79 THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR**

**1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"**

**2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.**

**3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.**

**4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.**

**5. Meow occasionally.**

**6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly.**

**7. Say "DING!" at each floor.**

**8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.**

**9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.**

**10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."**

**11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"**

**12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.**

**13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."**

**14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.**

**15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.**

**16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.**

**17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"**

**18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"**

**19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.**

**20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.**

**21. Swat at flies that don't exist.**

**22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it.**

**23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.**

**24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.**

**25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"**

**26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.**

**27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.**

**28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it.**

**29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."**

**30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.**

**31. Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.**

**32. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.**

**33. Ask, "Did you feel that?"**

**34. Tell people that you can see their aura.**

**35. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."**

**36. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."**

**37. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..."**

**38. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.**

**39. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.**

**40. Sell Girl Scout cookies.**

**41. During a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.**

**42. Shave.**

**43. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.**

**44. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"**

**45. One word: Flatulence!**

**46. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.**

**47. Do Tai Chi exercises.**

**48. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, darn motion sickness!"**

**49. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.**

**50. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"**

**51. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.**

**52. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.**

**53. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.**

**54. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"**

**55. Leave a box between the doors.**

**56. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.**

**57. Start a sing-along.**

**58. Play the harmonica.**

**59. Lean against the button panel.**

**60. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.**

**61. Bring a chair along.**

**62. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"**

**63. Blow spit bubbles.**

**64. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.**

**65. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.**

**66. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at the passengers.**

**67. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."**

**68. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"**

**69. Bring a water pistol. Soak everyone's shoes.**

**70. Start brushing off invisible bugs from your arms, screaming "Aaughh! Get them off!"**

**71. Challenge your neighbor to a "Tic-Tac-Toe" tournament.**

**72. Laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, and glare at the other passengers like they are crazy.**

**73. Charge into the elevator dripping wet, holding a towel and wearing only a bath robe.**

**74. Mutter something about how husbands/wives always come home early just when it's getting to the good part.**

**75. Make chalk drawings on the walls.**

**76. As the elevator is going up, jump violently up and down, shouting "Down! I said down, darn it!"**

**77. Crouch in one corner and growl menacingly at everyone who gets on.**

**78. Try to get a game of "Twister" going.**

**79. Wrinkle your nose and smell the air repeatedly. Sniff at your neighbor suspiciously, give a disgusted frown, and take a step away.**

When I finished reading I ran home (at vampire speed) to show Everyone


	2. Mission Number 1

When I showed everyone the list that night they just rolled their eyes and told him me go away, I wondered why all my family is annoyed by me. I bet its because they are unbelievers of unicorns. There for, They must think I'm crazy for doing this, But wait until I'm finished. The unicorns will praise me and I will grow a horn.

So when everyone went out to hunt I stayed home and went into Rosalie bedroom. I look at the list and read number one out loud.

'1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"'Where could he find an elevator where it would defiantly have people in it? The hospital, of course. So I grabbed on of Carlisle's hot pink and black tote bags and set of to the hospital. When I got there I headed straight to the elevator. When the door opened I got on and stood in the corner. I opened the bag open a bit and said "Hey Frank, You got enough air in there?" For good measures I had put a hamster in incase the people tried to force me into the psychiatric ward. I had been standing next to some an wrinkly old lady who started to hit me with her walker. "HELP!! HELP!! SOMEONE ESCAPED FROM THE PYSCHIATRIC WARD" she yelled before running off the elevator. I grinned. Mission Completed…


	3. Mission 2&3

**I'm sorry to announce to you that I'm SOO glad I got this done. THIS IS NOT MY BEST WORK, SORRY. Sugestions and Reviews are greatly appreciated. I read everyone of them and they touch my heart. WOW!!! THAT SOUNDED CHEESY!!! R&R :P **

"Okay, Time for number two on the list. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off" I said aloud. I'm I going to have to go to the hospital seventy nine times to finish this, I bet it would be okay with Oscar (The Head Unicorn) If I did two or three at a time. I read the third one on the list "When arriving at your floor, Grunt and strain to yank the doors open, Then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves" This one will be hilarious. "Eddy-Poo" I Yelled, "Can I borrow your Volvo". "No Way In Hell, Emmy-Poo" Edward said in a voice that sounded like he was talking to a five year old, I think I'll take it anyway.

I drove down to the hospital, and since it was Carlisle's day off, I decided to park in his space, To save time. I walked into elevator number one which had four people on it. An old bald man with the look on his face like he was horribly constipated, Mike Newton, Dr. Snow, and A male nurse who looked very gay. I entered the elevator and went to the corner, And stood there. "What level are you going to, Handsome" The Nurse, Who I was positive was gay, Asked. I held back a laugh and just stayed in the corner. "How about my condo at nine thirty, We could watch some baseball, Go to third base." I couldn't help it as I burst out laughing and then yelled "Dude, I'm not even gay" As I ran off the elevator onto the one right beside it that had eight people. Dr. Snow, Two female nurses, A guy nurse in-between the two, Dr. Ken, Two children, and a lady with a tank-top that said "Vampire Bitch", That would be perfect for Rosalie.

I waited until we went to level four for the stunt because that was where Edward's car was parked, The doors closed on level three and we started going up. I walked between one of the female and male nurses making out and tried pulling the door open. I even strained my muscles for effect, and made a bunch of grunting noises. Then I put my hands on my knees and started to breathe heavily, Then the doors opened. I put on a face that showed embarrassment. The kids started laughing, The nurses stared, and Dr. Snow snapped a picture, I really hope that isn't going to Carlisle. I walked out to Carlisle's parking space to find a ticket under the windshield wiper, I'll give this to Edward later. I drove home and walked in to find a very mad Carlisle, A giggly Alice, and An annoyed Edward. "Emmett, No X-Box for a week" Carlisle said walking away, Then I took out the ticket and gave it to Edward. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" I yelled. MISSIONS & 3 COMPLETE!!!


	4. Missions 4&5

**Dear wonderful readers, Thank You SO, SO, SO Much for the reviews. I know 19 isn't a lot but it's the most I've gotten out of all of my stories. Love You All And I Will Try To Update ASAP!!! Please Continue To Review!!!**

I was sitting in my room when I heard them call to me. THE UNICORNS!!! It was a voice from the sky and it said "Emmett Cullen, We Are Pleased To See You Are Taking The List Seriously. Please Continue And You Will Be Rewarded" Said the Voice(*), It was most likely the voice of Oscar. I ran to my jeep and drove as fast as I could to the hospital, And got into the empty elevator. I pressed all the buttons and I went up. At floor three, A nurse got on so I said "Hello, Sir. Please Call Me Admiral" And held my hand out. He just stared at me, So I took his hand forcefully and shook it. On the way up to floor five I meowed. He turned and looked at me, So I meowed again. He got off in a hurry at the next floor and I heard him mumbling into his cell phone "I Think We Have A Breakout, Elevator Number Two".

No one got on at floor seven, So I waited as I made my way up to floor eight. The doors opened and I said "Hello, Sir. Please Call Me Admiral. Meow" Then I realized who it was. Carlisle. He just stared at me. "Umm….Emmett, Please Leave Now" He said.

"Meow" I said Back. "Now" Carlisle insisted. "I will not leave until you ask me, NICELY, and Call Me Admiral". "Okay, Please Leave Admiral Emmett Or I Will Out You In The Phyceatric Ward" Carlisle said in a voice that strained not to yell. "Meow" I said as I ran at a human pace back to my car. Mission 4&5 Complete.

(*) The Voice From The Sky, That Was Edward. He did that to Emmett for getting him a ticket, Emmett will learn that later on in the story. I don't want any of you to go insane thinking magical unicorns are real….Or Are They???


	5. Missions 6,7,8,&9

**Dear Readers, Thank You SO, SO, SO Much for the reviews. I love them but do you know who else does to??? OSCAR AND LOLA!!! You don't know who Lola is, Then you obviously haven't read this chapter. PLEASE REVIEW!!!**

"Emmett" A voice called my name, But it couldn't be Oscar, It was to girlish…I know who it was…LOLA!!! Lola is Oscar's Receptionist…I don't like her. For some reason she is in love with marshmallows and always chirp. Kinda like Alice, Just more annoying. The voice continued "We are glad you are taking the list seriously. When you finish, You will be rewarded". Well, I wasn't planning to go today but, Why not. I drove down to the hospital, and got on the first elevator. There was a little girl and a old lady, Probably the kids grandma. I got on and started to stair at her, and she started to look scared. I stared for three floors then I screamed "Your one of them" at the little girl. She started crying and her grandma started beating me with her cane. "Ow, Ouch, Ow" I was saying leaning all the way up against the doors. Then the doors opened and I fell backward. I got up at human speed and ran into the next elevator.

The elevator had three nurses, Dr. snow, Two Children, and A teenager with a shirt with Edward's Face on it. I don't know why everyone like his face, It's not that cute. I looked at the buttons in fake awe, Then in a childish voice I said "I wonder what these do" and pressed all of them. As I pressed each button, I made really cheesy explosion noises "Boom, Pow, Kaboom" I said after each button. The children started giggling, especially when I said ding when we arrived at the floor. I had to admit I was very musical that day, The elevator sounded like click(Pressing the button), Boom, Ding over and over again. On the floor I had to get off at I yelled "Ding, Ding" As I ran off.

Missions 6, 7, 8, & 9 Complete….


	6. Missions 10, 11, &12

**_Meaghan- I'm SOO SORY!! It's been so long since I've written. -Wipes Tears-_**

**_Emmett- It's only been-_**

**_Meaghan- No, I'm so mad at myself. I feel like I've forgotten all about you…_**

**_Emmett- But, You only haven't-_**

**_Meaghan- NOO!!! I'm…-Sob-…Sorry…-Sob-_**

**_Emmett- IT'S ONLY BEEN THRE DAYS!!!_**

**_Meaghan- Oh…_**

I was getting pretty tired of the hospital, I always smelled like hand sanitizer, and old people. And old people wearing hand sanitizer. I was starting to think it was retirement home more than a hospital, Old haggies in the elevator, Old Ladies in the Cafeteria, Grandpas Smoking in weelchairs, and Grand Trans-Genders playing bingo. Was there no young to this world…Anyway, Back to the elevator. I got on and again, There was a bunch of old haggies, But I still had to finish my list. I started to stair at an old lady, she glanced at me then looked away. I continued to look at her and made my eyes really big. She turned to look at me again but then smiled as big as I could and yelled " Hey old people, Guess What, I've Got New Socks On", Which I really did. They were like that guys, in that TV show on nickelodeon. Rose told me I shouldn't watch that show, Cause there is not a possibility of a spongy cube with a stupid starfish friend that lives in a pineapple and flips burgers, But I believe. Just as I believe all these grand people got run over by reindeers.

The old lady gave me a warm toothless smile, leaned over, and whispered "Me, Too". Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for, But oh well. I scooped the old lady up and gave her a big bear hug, They she lay on the ground, Peacefully sleeping. "I hope she rest well" I said while receiving looks of horror from the other oldies. They started acting like I committed murder, Or something, And everything became really quiet, After a few floors and a few awkward moments I asked "Was that your beeper, Haggie" to another old guy who I think was the old ladies' husband. "No, Sunny, That wasn't" He said in an old senile voice. "Any what's a haggie". "A Haggy is an old person with a bunch of wrinkles and all that squishy, loose skin under your neck" I said poking it. He turned to an angle where I couldn't poke it, So I yelled to everyone "The haggies' skin goes all wobbly when you turn your wrinkly, liver spotted head". He then got out of his wheel chair and started to come at me, But at a really slow pace. The doors opened before he got to me and I ran out. He was almost out the door when the doors closed on him and his old, squishy, wrinkly, liver spotted haggieness.

I got onto anther elevator with one person. "Your not old" I yelled, But when she turned around, She was. WAS THERE NOW ONE IN THE WORLD WHO WASN'T OLD!!! When we started going up, I stooped down to the level of the emergency phone, Then the old lady hit me with her purse, "Don't touch that". "But I have to call someone" I said like a whiny five year old and it started ringing, But I didn't dial anything. "Emergency Response, What is your Emergency" said the phone. "I don't have an emergency, I just want to call my smoking hot wife. And my old virgin brother, and my pixie sister, and my emo brother. Oh, and my mommy." I said into the phone. "I'm hanging up now, sir", "Wait" I screamed. "Yes" the person said. "What's your name" I said in a voice full of wonder. "Greg" He said and hung up. I got off the elevator with an odd look from the old lady haggie.

I ran to the car that I took, Carlisle's Mercedes, It's Roomy, But smells like old, sick people. Then I went to the police department where Greg was, and walked into the room like I owned the place. I scaned the whole room and finally saw a guy with a name tag that said Greg. "Greg" I yelled. "Do you remember me? I talked to you earlier. I'm the guy with the old virgin brother, and the pixie sister, and the emo brother, and my smoking hot wife." "Uhhh…" Was all Greg said until…I saw his face. "AHHH, YOUR AN OLD HAGGY WITH LIVER SPOTS AND SQUISHY, LOOSE NECK SKIN" I screamed as I ran out of the building. Missions 10, 11, &12 Complete…


	7. Mission 13

**How Could You? How??? I update almost every night and what do I get? Almost nothing. Out of 35 visitors, 3 People Reviewed. HUGE THANKS TO LilWitch44, AnnaBanana159, and I FReakinG sParKle. PLEASE READ BOTTEM!!!!**

"Carlisle" I yelled. "Why were there so many haggies at the hospital" I asked him as he approached me. "Well Emmett, What do you mean by haggies? If you are talking about senior citizens, It was bingo night" It made more since now. "Were the any transgender haggies" I asked enthusiastic. "I'm not sure, Emmett. But please do not refer to them as haggies, Or oldies." He said exasperated walking back into the emergency ward. He also said it was unnecessary for me to call him out of surgery for that. Well…Back to the elevator. I got on and there were not old people, They didn't have loosey neck skin or as many wrinklies. That made me happy, To see the world still had some youth.

I took some chalk from one of the little kids on the elevator. If I wasn't so excited about the not old people or the list, I would have been suspicious as why there would be chalk in the elevator at just the time a needed it. Instead of tracing a square, I think I'll do an outline of a body, Like they do on television crime scenes. I traced the shape then picked up the bull horn next to me, Again, I would normally be suspicious about why there was a bull horn in an elevator. "Do Not Cross The White Lines At Any Time During This Ride, This Is My Personal Space" I announced. Everyone got off the elevator on the next floor, I think it may have something to do with me. I waited until the floor where my car was parked and got off. I was almost out the door when I heard someone yell "What the Hell", I Bet The Saw My Pretty Body Outline. Mission 13 Complete…

Extended Story

I got home very fast and ran to my computer. I had to check how many followers Peter Facinelli had on Twitter. He has a bet against this guy named Rob Defranco, Peter Wins if he gets 500,000 Followers by Friday(6/19/2009) at midnight. If he looses, He has to give Rob(NOT PATTINSON) the backing of his twilight chair that was used in the movie. And if Peter wins, Rob has to wear a bikini while dancing to single ladies and waving a sign that says "Tweet Me". AND ONE OF THE 500,000 FOLLOWERS WILL GET THE BACK OF PETER FACINELLI'S CHAIR, AND ROBERT PATTINSON ACCUALLY SAT ON IT. I love Robert Pattinson, He's so dreamy. So, If you have a Twitter, And Even if you don't, Make One and Follow PETER FACINELLI!!!


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